Rules to live by

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I am done for. There I was, minding my own business, walking through the kitchen, when I happened to glance at the newly arrived magazine on the counter. The headline jumped up with its tongue sticking out at me: 8 simple rules to pull together any outfit! There are EIGHT rules to pull an outfit together? EIGHT? How do “8 rules” and “simple” go together in a sentence? I backed slowly away from the kitchen and retreated to my office upstairs where I engaged in the soothing activity I usually pursue when I have been traumatized: Pocket Frogs.

Real Simple is not delivered to me at my house; it’s my daughter’s subscription. (Courtesy of me, however.) The brand should appeal to me--it has the right name, but I’m sorry. If it takes 8 rules just to get dressed in the morning, what can I expect from their recipes? Their decorating tips? Or (shudder) cleaning advice? 10? 15 100?? No thank you. When I see the word simple, I expect simple. Not convoluted in disguise. You want simple rules? Here are some:

Rules for pulling together any outfit: (Notice it is only half as many...)

1.    Never dig anything out of the clothes hamper.

2.    Always give a quick look for wear and tear, specifically, previously missed holes or tears.

3.    Stick with black and white. Sometimes navy blue. Possibly red. Pink is for babies.

4.    Up to the collarbone, below the knees.

Rules for cooking at home:

1.    One pan, one plate (or bowl)

2.    One cooks, the other cleans

3.    Only use foods that are colors and flavors found in the natural world. (And beware of the sneaky, “Natural flavoring”...you don’t want to know.)

4.    Five ingredients, five steps (including cooking time). Anything else is too risky.

Rules for maintaining a presentable home:

(Notice I didn’t actually use the word “clean”--it’s subjective anyway)

1.    Don’t buy anything “decorative” after the age of 50.

2.    Toss anything decorative that doesn’t clean itself.

3.    Most everything can be cleaned with a bottle of windex and a roll of paper towels.

4.    Entertain in the evening when the sun doesn’t highlight dust. Better yet, entertain in the summer--outside.

Rules for enjoying life after 50:

1.    Spend as much time as possible with your grandchildren. If you don’t have them, find some.

2.    Embrace forgetfulness; you can’t fret about what you can’t remember.

3.    Take a walk every day (or as often as you remember to.) “Walk” can be interchanged with “nap.”

4.    Let go of yesterday, enjoy today and look forward to tomorrow. 

Feel free to adopt or adapt as you see fit. I have a rule about telling other people what to do and that is: I don't.  :)